Beyond the Smile: How to Recognise and Overcome Toxic Positivity

Toxic positivity might sound like a contradiction - after all, what’s wrong with being positive?

But when positivity becomes forced, dismissive, or used to avoid uncomfortable truths, it can do more harm than good. This article explores how to recognise toxic positivity in everyday life and offers healthier alternatives for emotional wellbeing.

What Is Toxic Positivity?

Toxic positivity is the overgeneralisation of a happy, optimistic state that results in the denial, minimisation, or invalidation of genuine human emotions. It can come from others - or from ourselves - and often sounds like:

• “Cheer up, it’s not that bad.”

• “Just think positive!”

• “Everything happens for a reason.”

These phrases might be well-intentioned, but they often ignore the complexity of what someone is feeling. Over time, they can lead to suppressed emotions, reduced self-worth and strained relationships.

1. Keeping Emotions to Yourself

If you constantly worry that your feelings are “too much” or might be judged, you’re not the only one. Toxic positivity teaches us that showing sadness, anger, or grief is undesirable - so we bottle it up.

Here's a better approach:
Allow yourself to feel. Emotions are signals, not problems. Acknowledging what you're going through is the first step to healing.

2. Pretending to Be Happy

Smiling through the pain might feel easier than explaining how you really feel - especially when you fear being misunderstood. But faking happiness disconnects you from your authentic self.

Here's a better approach:
Be honest, even if it’s uncomfortable. Vulnerability builds trust, with yourself and others.

3. Forcing Optimism

There’s a difference between hopeful thinking and emotional bypassing. Saying things like, “At least it’s not worse,” when facing serious challenges can feel dismissive - even to yourself.

Here's a better approach:
Balance hope with honesty. It’s okay to admit that something is hard. You’re not failing by acknowledging your pain.

4. Giving People Too Many Chances

Forgiveness is powerful - but when toxic positivity tells us everyone deserves endless chances, it can put us at risk. Especially when it involves someone who repeatedly harms you.

Here's a better approach:
Set clear boundaries. You can forgive someone and still protect your peace. Let go with love, if needed.

5. Ignoring Negative Thoughts

Positive thinking has its place, but ignoring every difficult or negative thought can be harmful. These thoughts can point to something important - like a boundary being crossed or a gut feeling you shouldn’t ignore.

Here's a better approach:
Pause and reflect. What is the thought trying to tell you? Use it as data, not a verdict on your worth.

6. Struggling When Others Are Negative

If someone else’s low mood bothers you, ask yourself why. Are you uncomfortable with their sadness because you haven't made space for your own?

Here's a better approach:
Practice empathy. Everyone has hard days. Allow others the space to feel without trying to fix them.

Why It Matters

Toxic positivity can be isolating - especially when you're expected to “stay strong” or “keep smiling” through difficulty. But true emotional resilience comes from recognising the full range of your feelings and learning how to respond to them with compassion.

At The Success Smith, we believe that real growth starts with honesty. If you're on a journey to better mental health, emotional intelligence, or self-awareness, let this be your reminder:

You’re allowed to not be okay sometimes.
You’re allowed to take your time.
You’re allowed to be real.

Final Thoughts

We all want to be positive - but not at the cost of truth.

Next time you're tempted to silence a difficult feeling or respond to someone else with a platitude, pause. Ask what’s really needed. Often, the best support is simply saying, “That sounds hard. I’m here.”

Want more tools to support emotional wellbeing?
Explore our free breathwork videos and mindfulness resources to help you reconnect with your inner balance - without the pressure to be endlessly cheerful.

🌱 Ready to Go Deeper?

If you’ve ever felt out of step with your own life - like something isn’t quite aligned beneath the surface - you’re not alone. Many of us sense that inner work needs to come first, before our outer world can truly shift.

That’s exactly why I created The Chrysalis.

It’s a guided programme for those ready to reconnect with themselves, shift unhelpful patterns, and create lasting change. If you’ve been searching for something more meaningful, more you, this could be it.

You can learn more about the programme here, and if you're curious how it's helped others, you can hear their stories here.

Real change starts from within — and this might be the next step on your journey.