Who hasn’t been hurt by someone they trusted?

Maybe your spouse betrayed you. Maybe a friend let you down in an unforgivable way. Maybe a co-worker takes credit for your ideas, or your boss belittles you.

Or worse, perhaps you’ve experienced deep emotional or physical trauma that lingers long after the event.

As time passes, some wounds heal naturally. But others don’t - they fester. They harden into grudges, leaving behind resentment, bitterness and emotional weight that holds you back from living freely.

But have you ever considered this? Holding onto a grudge doesn’t punish the person who hurt you. It only punishes you.

Letting go doesn’t mean what happened was okay. It means refusing to let the past control your future.

7 Steps to Let Go of a Grudge and Move On

Grudges can feel like armour, protecting us from being hurt again. But in reality, they weigh us down, impacting our health, relationships, and mental clarity.

Here’s how to release that burden:

1. Identify the Root of the Grudge

Before you can move forward, get clear on why you’re holding onto this resentment.

What exactly happened? How did it make you feel? Is the anger about the event itself, or something deeper?

Sometimes, acknowledging the true source of the pain is enough to start the healing process.

2. Reframe Forgiveness as a Gift to Yourself

Forgiveness is not about excusing someone’s behaviour or pretending it didn’t hurt. It’s about releasing yourself from the emotional grip of the past. Holding onto resentment doesn’t change what happened - it only keeps you trapped in it.

Ask yourself: How would my life improve if I no longer carried this grudge?

3. Acknowledge Your Feelings Fully

Suppressing emotions only makes them stronger. Instead of bottling up your anger, frustration, or sadness, let yourself process them in a healthy way.

• Journal your thoughts
• Talk to a trusted friend or therapist
• Meditate on how the grudge has impacted your life

The goal is not to dwell but to understand your emotions before releasing them.

If you need some support on learning how to meditate feel free to take a look at my blog here.

4. Try Seeing the Other Side (When Possible)

This won’t apply in every situation, especially when deep harm has been done. But in some cases, stepping into the other person’s shoes can bring unexpected perspective.

Ask yourself: Could they have acted out of ignorance, insecurity, or their own unresolved pain?

Understanding doesn’t mean justifying, but it may help you detach from the emotional weight of resentment.

You may also find taking extreme responsibility for your own actions may help you find a way to move forward, watch my short YouTube video here where I explain this.

5. Consider a Conversation - If It Feels Right

If the grudge stems from a misunderstanding or unresolved conflict, a conversation might help bring closure. However, this depends on whether the other party is receptive and if engaging with them would be healthy for you.

If direct communication isn’t possible, you can still find closure by writing an unsent letter expressing everything you need to say.

6. Reclaim Your Power by Releasing the Narrative

Sometimes, we unknowingly hold onto grudges because they become part of our identity. We define ourselves by what happened, replaying the injustice over and over.

But healing doesn’t require an apology or validation from the other person. You have the power to rewrite your story. Instead of saying:

"I am someone who was betrayed by a friend."

Reframe it to:

"I am someone who has learned from difficult experiences and grown stronger."

7. Stop Revisiting the Pain

Moving on means choosing not to dwell. This is often the hardest step, but it’s also the most transformative.

• When the memory resurfaces, acknowledge it - but don’t feed it.
• If others bring up the event, shift the conversation.
• Remind yourself why you chose to let go in the first place.

Letting go doesn’t mean forgetting. It means freeing yourself from a cycle of pain that no longer serves you.

To conclude...

Grudges don’t protect you - they imprison you. Choosing to let go is not a weakness but a sign of incredible strength.

The past cannot be changed. But your future? That’s entirely in your hands.

Today, take the first step toward peace by releasing one small piece of resentment.

You deserve that freedom.

If you feel you need additional support to release a negative emotion which has been keeping you stuck or unable to joyfully move forward in your life then please book in a call with me so we can shift and release you from your emotional baggage. As qualified NLP practitioner I have great expertise in this area, find out more about timeline therapy here.

If you're committed to making a positive change in your life then book in a call with Dr Victoria at a time that suits you here.